Your heart is racing. Your chest feels tight. You’re clammy and the area around you seems to fall away. You may wonder whether you’re having a heart attack. Perhaps a siren set it off, or the scent of cherry blossoms brought back “that day” – the one you would rather not relive. Sometimes there is no obvious reminder at all. You simply feel as though you are in freefall.
If you tell someone, you may fear hearing it’s “all in your head.” Or perhaps they will tell you to pray or forgive when what you need right in that scary moment is help getting through the next few minutes. The sensations in your body are real. Understanding what may be happening beforehand can make them less frightening and mysterious and give you something practical to use.
Why the alarm goes off
After a homicide, you may find yourself listening for footsteps, watching exits, or startling at a sound others barely notice. You may feel on guard even when you cannot say why. This heightened watchfulness is called “hypervigilance.” It is a state of alert preparation. It can develop after you have learned, in the worst possible way, that danger can be real and sudden.
The alarm does not always wait for a conscious thought. A sound, smell, place, or person who resembles the assailant can remind your brain of danger before you have even identified the connection. Anniversaries can bring it on, too. You may sleep poorly or feel unusually irritable or tense as a specific date approaches, then realize only later what time of year it was. These reactions are not identical for everyone, and they do not mean that you are “doing grief wrong.”
When your brain detects possible danger, your nervous system prepares your body to respond. That’s the way all humans are wired. Your heart may beat faster, your breathing may change, your muscles may tighten, and your attention may narrow. Those changes can help in an emergency. When the alarm is responding to a reminder, however, they can feel frightening, make you feel even less in control of your life, and leave you struggling to think clearly.
Enter: The Vagus Nerve
Have you heard of the “vagus nerve“? It is the longest cranial nerve we have. It is part of the “parasympathetic nervous system.” It meanders from the bottom of our brain, through our neck, chest, diaphram, stomach, liver, intestines and other organs and systems along its way. It regulates bodily functions (like heart rate) and helps us heal and restore balance. The vagus nerve also is triggered by alarm and carries signals associated with settling after stress.
You do not have to memorize the anatomy of the vagus nerve to benefit from knowing this: the alarm you feel has a physical component, and gentle changes in breathing may help some people ease the alarm reaction. While there is no switch you can flip that guarantees calm in ninety seconds, it can begin an important process to feel calmer, more at ease.
First aid for a moment of freefall
We know what physical first aid is for. A splint steadies an injured limb until more help is available; no one expects it to mend the bone. But it limits further injury, eases pain, and makes it possible to get help.
When a sense of sudden alarm arises, a slower breath or a grounding exercise may offer a little steadiness, just like first aid. It may give you enough room to notice where you are, decide what you need next, and regain a sense of control—even if that sense is fragile and lasts only a few moments. For someone living with the aftermath of homicide, those moments are meaningful.
Option One:
If you would like to try breathing, place your feet where they feel supported. Breathe in gently and let the exhale take a little longer than the inhale. Keep the pace comfortable; there is no required count and no need to force a deep breath. Try a few cycles and notice whether you feel even slightly more settled.
Option Two:
If paying attention to your breath feels uncomfortable, try looking outward instead. Name the room you are in and the date. Notice the pressure of the floor beneath your feet, or identify a few things you can see. Ask yourself to name the colors around you. Notice where the outlets are, where the light switches are located. What is on the table or desk? Go touch them.
Option Three:
You can also contact a person who knows how to listen without telling you what you ought to feel.
Choose the tool that helps you orient to this moment.
First aid is meaningful, and it may need follow-up. If these reactions keep returning, disrupt your life, or leave you feeling unsafe, you deserve care from someone or from a group who understand trauma. And because physical symptoms can have other causes, seek urgent medical help for new, severe, or unexplained chest pain rather than assuming it is a trauma response.
You did not choose the event that taught your body to sound this alarm. Having one small way to respond does not undo what happened. It may, however, help you find your footing long enough to choose your next step.
Sources for review
- VA National Center for PTSD, “Coping with Traumatic Stress Reactions”: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/gethelp/coping_stress_reactions.asp
- VA National Center for PTSD, “Anniversary Reactions and Other Recurring Trauma Reminders”: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/treat/essentials/anniversary_reactions.asp
- VA National Center for PTSD, “Paced Breathing: A Way to Reduce Tension and Stress”: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/apps/craftptsd/lesson09/09_013.htm
