Grief following the homicide of a loved one is unlike any other loss. It is public, sudden, legal, frightening, full of unknowns and often isolating. Many homicide survivors turn to social media in the first weeks or months during those long, unsettling nights when silence is unbearable.
Platforms like TikTok, Facebook and Instagram can be a lifeline but they carry risks as well. What follows is a quick overview of some advantages and drawbacks to engaging on social media during a very vulnerable time.
The Pros of Engagement
- Connection and Community Social media can surround a battered soul and weaken the sense of isolation. Homicide survivors often find other grievers who really understand the depth and breath of violent loss. A single post or comment can resonate deeply enough that it pleasantly lingers. It is so reassuring to feel someone is on this path with you that it can aid getting through the next hour and – occasionally – an entire evening.
- Tributes Posting heartfelt photos or a reflection can become a way of keeping the memory of the deceaed alive. They are tangible proof that the loved one existed. It’s a way of putting a face to a fact, a memory to a person. For some, posting images and thoughts takes on a form of advocacy, raising needed awareness about the long aftermath of violence on those left to grieve.
- Flexibility in Engagement. And, unlike real life support, social media knows no schedule. A person can post at three in the morning, from a corner of a breakroom at work or from their car when the urge strikes them to do so. And, likewise, they can step away when connection becomes overwhelming. By doing so, it restores a sense of much-needed control and balance.
The Drawbacks of Engagement
- Exposure to Insensitivity. Not everyone knows how to appropriately respond to a vulnerable, truthful post. A well-meaning but clumsy comment can easily be felt as dismissive or judgmental. Survivors may encounter speculation, unsolicited advice and shallow comparisions. It stings – especially in the first weeks after the death, during the trial, amidst an anniversary reaction or at the time of parole of the convicted. But it is equally painful if a post gets no engagement at all.
- Increased Risk to Safety. While not universal, supporters of the accused or convicted may come across the account and “flare” as a result. They may be overt and swift in their objections and post hurtful comments. But it can also steer some supporters of the accused or convicted to be more stealth in their hostility and confront the homicide survivor in person at a later time. In a related context, social media posts have been used at trial to undermine the prosecutor’s case. And they have also been targeted by scam artists who search out posts from people who are vulnerable and exhausted. [See post from September 5, 2025 for more detail on this.] Safety must remain a priority.
- Difficulty Stepping Back. Social media can become addicting at the expense of sleep, nutrition, and real life social engagement. In particular, frequent “doom scrolling” can be destabilizing. Some survivors report feeling drained by the expectation to provide updates and respond promptly to comments from people not in the need to know.
Finding Balance
Social media can be a balm and a blade. When used wisely it can assist the grieving process. This involves setting apprpriate boundaries (such as time limits, filters, muting certain words and screening out information that should not be made public).
Social media involvement should never become the only form of self-care. Homicide survivors need in-person connection, attention to their health, safety and others in their life who are suffering from the same loss (inside or outside of the family). Social media creators need to preserve energy for work, dependents, pets, obligations and a healthy routine.
Leaning into private grouips or closed circles where safety and understanding are a priority can be beneficial. The vetting process takes time but it is time well spent.
It’s important to remember that silence can be healing and no one is owed an explanation. The need to heal should always override the temptation to get clicks and followers. Grief is a long road without shortcuts. Everyone has their own pace and setbacks. But with self care, forethought, and limit setting social media can be a convenient, welcome outlet.
