In the weeks after a traumatic loss, people often discover they can no longer turn off their thoughts. Sleep becomes elusive. Anxiety settles into the body. Images replay. The future feels uncertain. At some point, many people stumble upon something that offers temporary relief. A drink. A pill. A distraction. A way to quiet the noise. Not everyone, of course. But enough that it needs attention.
After homicide, suicide, sudden accidents, overdoses, or violent crime, survivors often experience:
- Hypervigilance
- Intrusive thoughts
- Sleep disruption
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Isolation
- Survivor guilt
- Loss of meaning
None of them are easy to cope with and it is rare to just experience three or four.
Substances can temporarily reduce distress, which is why they become appealing.
The issue is not weakness. The issue is that human beings naturally seek relief from overwhelming suffering.
It is all too easy to find a variety of options to “quiet the nerves.” What they all share is a lull in the emotional pain, a temporary “time out” from the suffering. The grieving person is rewarded with avoidance.
People may turn to:
- excessive alcohol intake
- prescription medications given to help with pain or insomnia
- marijuana and other substances
- excessive involvement with food intake and shopping
- excessive devotion to work
- excessive use of social media scrolling
Sometimes it’s hard to know when “use” becomes “abuse.” Strictly measuring quantity is not especially helpful. Stepping back to look at the bigger picture is.
- needing more of something to get the same relief
- relying on it to function, to sleep
- hiding the behavior
- becoming defensive and dismissive if others raise concerns
- feeling unable to function for long without it
- the activity takes precedence over essential tasks (like budgeting)
Elsewhere we have discussed safe ways to cope. See articles from February 12, 2026 (When Talking Therapy Happens Too Soon); November 7, 2025 (When Expertise Isn’t Enough); October 26, 2025 (Forest Bathing? It’s Not What You Think); September 3, 2025 (Finding Help); May 24, 2024 (Emotional Support Animals); May 1, 2024 (Primary Care Providers’ Care of Homicide Co-Victims); August 8, 2023 (Support Groups for the Grief of Homicide).
If you are struggling with alcohol, drugs, or other forms of numbing after a violent death of someone you care about, please know you are not alone. You are not the first survivor to deal with this, nor will you be the last. Reaching for support is a sign of self-care, not weakness. Doing so will greatly help you reclaim a life that trauma tried to steal.
