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What To Do If Wrongfully Charged with Murdering Your Family Member

Grieving from the homicide of a loved one is tough enough.  But what if you’re also wrongly charged for it?  It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s life-changing, even if you aren’t convicted. 

I am not an attorney. However, I’ve consulted with several to gain an understanding of this issue. Even more educational, is my involvement with the national, annual Innocence Project conferences. Hearing injustices directly from the lips of the falsely accused and exonerated is bone-chilling. One elderly man, leaning hard on a cane said he’d served 49 years for a rape-homicide he did not commit.

Did you know that many exonerees wear a ring that signifies their past? Here is a photo I took of a man who explained the design was fashioned by a jeweler wrongly convicted and exonerated. Women wear them, too.

And, speaking of women, I learned that most who were wrongly convicted of murder were accused of murdering a child. They came from all walks of life. Some were immigrant women without a work or formal education history. Others owned a series of daycare businesses with college degrees. Injustice is blind to these factors.

Risk Factors

The biggest risk factors contributing to a wrongful conviction are being African-American, having faulty eyewitness testimony, prosecutorial misconduct, law enforcement misconduct, and relying on junk science from forensic experts.  In other words, race matters, and so does careless eyewitness reporting and officials willing to bend the rules to get what they want.

On average, innocent people who are exonerated serve 14 years for a crime they didn’t do.  And they are the luckier ones.  Others serve three or more decades.

Case Examples

We can learn a lot from homicide co-victims who have been wrongly convicted of murdering a loved one.  Here are two people who went through this nightmare:

Michael Morton was imprisoned in Texas for the 1986 murder of his wife, Christine. Prosecutor misconduct was a big factor in his conviction.  The D.A.  did not disclose key evidence (“exculpatory evidence”) gathered from Mr. Morton’s young son who described the attacker in detail and from several neighbors who witnessed an old, green van circulating the neighborhood the morning of the murder.   Mr. Morton served 25 years before being exonerated (found innocent) in 2011 due to new DNA evidence.

But don’t take it from me! Read his account in his words: “Getting Life,” (2014), Simon & Schuster.

Debra Milke was imprisoned in Indiana for the 1989 murder of her four-year-old son. Her conviction was based solely on the false testimony of Detective Armando Saldate, Jr. who claimed Ms. Milke had confessed to him. There was no physical evidence, no history of abuse, and no witnesses. She fought for her freedom for over two decades from death row.  In 2013 the federal 9th Circuit Court of Appeals overturned her conviction after it was discovered Detective Saldate had lied in several more cases.

Most people outside the legal or law enforcement systems have little idea of what to do in this awful situation.  Misleading information from Hollywood makes it worse.  (This is the “CSI effect.”)  

Understand it is legal in the U.S. for investigators to lie to an arrestee to get a confession.  They may say, “We have you on security camera getting in the car of the deceased an hour before her body was discovered.”  Or “A witness came forward and said they saw you violently grab the arm of the deceased in the parking lot the morning she went missing. They’re willing to testify to that fact.”

Remember you don’t have to prove your innocence to detectives.  That is for a judge or a jury to decide. 

Here are some dos and don’ts in this situation gleaned from defense attorneys.


Do take your right to remain silent seriously.  Anything you tell the arresting officers (after being read your Miranda rights) will be used in court against you.  Silence is your friend and your legal right.

Do ask for an attorney immediately, respectfully, and repeatedly.  Say nothing else.  Memorize this recommendation.

Do exercise your right to one phone call to ask a family member to find an attorney.  This is usually extended to you after booking (fingerprinting, mug shot, etc.).

Do read any search warrant carefully if presented.  Is the date / address accurate?  Does it have a judge’s signature and seal? What room or device is authorized for a search (computer, office desk, car)?  If investigators search beyond that, they cannot use evidence they seize at trial.  Landlords, hotel staff, housekeepers, roommates, and children cannot stop a search if a valid warrant is presented.  

Do try to remember details of what is said and done in as much detail as possible and jot down the facts at the first opportunity. Use quotes. Add names. Estimate the timeline. Sketch out what you saw. Describe the treatment of you in facts (not opinions). Include the number of times you asked for an attorney and to whom you made the request. Include the names or descriptions of any witnesses, car license plates, or what you overheard on law enforcement radios. Avoid speculation.

Do take note if anyone videos the interaction. Sometimes pedestrians video these interactions for their social media posts. They can corroborate your statement.


Do not give voluntary consent to search your car, office or home.  A warrant is needed to do this unless an emergency is underway (such as someone screaming inside your office).

Do not get defensive, resist, try to flee or destroy evidence.

Don’t look toward areas you want to be left alone (maybe your nightstand?).  Investigators look for these glances as a tip-off.  Look down instead.

Don’t post anything on social media, text, or send emails after you have been arrested.

Don’t assume phone calls inside the jail are private.  They are all recorded.

Injustice anywhere

is a threat to justice everywhere.

—-Martin Luther King

Links to Additional Resources:

For more detailed information and for other resources, please refer to my book What Now? Navigating the Aftermath of Homicide and Suicide, available now on Amazon.

Click this Amazon link:

I’m Jan Canty. Psychologist, author, podcast host, speaker…  and homicide survivor.

I am passionate about finding ways to support and help other so-called “homicide or suicide survivors.”

No one should have to go through this kind of loss… but if you do, I want you to know… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 

You aren’t crazy. It’s not your imagination! Society does not know how to comfort us. Fortunately, we know how to comfort one another.

Check out my books and get tools and resources to help you or someone you love!